Dad's House

What Does a Divorced Single Parent Know About Successful Relationships?

In their first kickass contest, Honey and Lance asked the question: How do you define successful relationships, and what does it take to achieve that success?

As if a divorced single parent can answer that question! After all, the major relationship of my adult life ended in shambles, and eight years later I’m still single. But answer it I did, and my entry turned out to be the contest winner! The prize? A sweet $25 gift card to Borders. (I’ll take my props wherever I get them.)

While it’s true I haven’t found post-divorce relationship nirvana, I’ve learned quite a few things along the way. Namely, that there’s an order to a single parent’s dating universe (my award-winning entry). You see, my primary focus these days is not on finding a long-term partner – there are kids, an ex-wife, booty call partners, friends with benefits, girlfriends, and my own mom to worry about. Keeping priorities straight is key. (Of course, I had to learn to cope with sometimes having an empty house. Proving it’s possible for a single parent to be happy.)

There were a lot of thoughtful, insightful, cheeky responses, including Chaotic Kitten’s that won the 2nd prize trophy of an Amazon e-gift card. (You know, to get my Border’s card I had to give a mailing address to a self-described aspiring pimp, and Kitten only had to give an email address. Who was the real winner here?)

I read all of the entries (kudos to everyone), and one particular point was brought up time and again – a successful relationship, where success means the partnership has real staying power, starts with you loving yourself. I couldn’t agree more. That’s a major ingredient for empty-house happiness, and knowing yourself and being happy with who you are is huge, in general. But a relationship that ends in break-up can be considered a success if you learned something from the experience.

My favorite line posted to the competition came from Taoist Biker who said this about partners in a successful relationship: they treat each other and the “entity” that is their relationship as something of value.

Reading that made me think – as a divorced dad I sometimes hide behind my parenting role and don’t jump completely into a new relationship. Fear of getting hurt again? Fear of screwing things up? Maybe it’s time to remind myself that a long-term romantic partnership truly is a thing of value. (Fodder for a future post.)

Thanks, Honey and Lance for running a great contest, and for the first-prize Borders gift card. As I shamelessly crow to the world about this award, I was just wondering – do either of you have a last name of Pulitzer or Nobel?

Doesn’t hurt to ask… Thanks again!

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• Relationship Compatibility
• Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?
• Dating Tips for 40-Something Men
• Relationship Dating 101: First Meeting
• My First Post-Divorce Girlfriend
• The ‘Fun Parent’ in Divorce
• Sweet Pick Up Lines for Any Occasion
• Breastfeeding Your Man and Blind Date Sex – While Kids are in the Next Room
• Single Parent Dating Takes Patience
• Divorced Pick Up Line Needed

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April 15th, 2008 Posted in dating, life, relationships, sex | Tags: dating after divorce, divorced single dad, honey and lance, kickass contest, Pulitzer Prize, single dad, single dads, single parent, single parents, successful relationship | 5 comments