When Online Dating Doesn’t Work, Use Your DNA
Dear David,
online dating isn’t working for me. I’ve tried different dating sites for over a year now, with no luck. Granted, I go on plenty of coffee dates, but I haven’t even come close to finding Mr. Right. Is it me, or am I correct in thinking internet dating doesn’t work? I need your advice! Should I get an internet dating profile makeover? Would a professional photo help me look better online? Should I hire an editor to punch-up my profile essay? Help!
- Frustrated in Fresno
Dear Frustrated,
Believe me, I understand exactly how you feel. Through eight years of divorce I’ve done a lot of online dating, and like you, I haven’t found my ideal match. I hear it works for some people, but I’m skeptical. Despite success stories you might have heard about a sister’s roommate or a second cousin’s friend-of-a-friend finding love online, there are tens of millions of people on internet dating sites right now, most of whom aren’t quite so satisfied. It seems Jupiter Research found that “barely one quarter of users reported being very satisfied or satisfied with online personals sites.”
(I’m happy to share a good review of what’s wrong with online dating, citing studies and surveys to make the point. Sadly, such voices of reason tend to get drowned out by industry hype when there’s big money to be made. The New York Times reported that in 2007 online matchmaking industry subscription revenues were $650 million, while SmartMoney.com suggests the figure is $890 million. No wonder some dating advice sites happily suggest you give internet dating a try – there are referral commissions to be made!)
I won’t tell you internet dating sucks completely. It has proved an efficient way to meet strangers for coffee, drinks, dinner, older men younger women relationships, and even booty calls. (Forget Adult Friend Finder, for casual dating Craigslist is totally free.) Internet dating is definitely for real, as researchers at UC Berkeley are trying to better understand the effect of online dating sites on how people interact.
Online Dating Search Criteria – A Contradiction
But for finding the love of your life, my advice is this: give online dating a rest. Cancel your online matchmaking membership and hide your internet dating profile. Get out, mingle, flirt in everyday life. Join a club. Go to the gym. Volunteer for a cause. Put yourself out there.
And if that doesn’t work, use your DNA.
That’s right, there’s now (online, of course) a service that will match you genetically with a prospective partner. Talk about chemistry! For $1,995.95 (less 50% off until February 2009), you can join ScientificMatch.com. They’ll have you swab the inside of your cheek with cotton and send them a sample of your DNA. (I’m not sure whether it’s best to swab after enjoying your favorite meal or cocktail, or whether your mouth should be antiseptically clean. I’m guessing this is addressed in ScientificMatch.com’s DNA collection kit.)
Apparently, a chemical match like this provides amazing benefits, including: “you’ll love their natural body fragrance–they’ll smell ‘sexier’ than other people,” and “there will be less cheating in your exclusive relationship,” and “your children will be healthier.”
What’s not to like?
In short, Frustrated, it’s not you, or the photo in your profile, or the 250 words in your essay. Online dating doesn’t work. Instead, swab a bit of that double-helix magic out of your mouth, and Mr. Right will soon be on his way.
- Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 1 (Craigslist coffee date gone bad)
- My Match.com Subscription Ended – Hooray!
- An Online Dating Success Story
- Eight Great Ways to Meet Someone New
- Dirty Text Messages
- An Online Date Stood Me Up
- Romantic Compatibility – On Paper
- Sexy and Funny Dating Stories
- Online Dating Expectations
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Comment by whatmenthink
| March 28th, 2008
WOW! Really? That’s fascinating. A friend of my recently blogged about his experience using 23andME Genome mapping service at http://buzzyeah.com I had no idea they did this for dating matches! Great post!
Comment by mssinglemama
| March 28th, 2008
That’s nuts! Or you can just kiss them…you know? I wrote a post a while a go on kissing…and what’s in a kiss. I guess when you kiss someone your body’s genetically tell you if you’re a good match. For breeding purposes…if it’s a bad kiss, could be a bad genetic match. Very interesting stuff!
Comment by dadshouse
| March 28th, 2008
Ms Single Mama – are you offering to be a surrogate DNA collection kit and swab the inside of my cheek? (sorry, couldn’t resist being cheeky..)
I agree it’s nuts! People should meet people in person, not online. They should kiss and hold hands and get into each other’s pants, not analyze a list of checkboxed attributes or strands of DNA.
thanks for the great comment!
Comment by Lance
| March 28th, 2008
If you’ve got that kind of money to blow on a dating resource, spend it on a pickup bootcamp or a dating coach. It’ll change your life. I’ve never attended a bootcamp (because of cost), but from reading critical reviews I can recommend Real Social Dynamics and Sinns of Attraction.
Comment by Cara Hurley
| March 29th, 2008
Does dating really have to be this complicated?
Comment by singlemomseeking
| March 29th, 2008
I beg to differ. For the writers in the world, I think exchanging the written word — before meeting — is amazingly romantic. Does it lead to romance? Who knows, but it has certainly give me a good taste of it.
Comment by whatmenthink
| March 30th, 2008
“Does dating really have to be this complicated?”
Dating is simple, but people are complicated. =P
Comment by dadshouse
| March 30th, 2008
Love having an opposing view! I think romantic letters are great – when your heart is already into that person. Exchanging emails with a stranger doesn’t do it for me… When you exchange the written word with a stranger, aren’t you just exchanging a fantasy? Real interpersonal chemistry is felt by the whole body in person. Else it’s all in the mind… no? Like I said, I love an opposing view..
Comment by Romulus Burnett
| April 12th, 2008
There is a MUCH, MUCH cheaper way to get a CHEMICALMATCH than giving someone $2000 to probably tell you the only matches you have are in Timbuktu or Romania or Iceland.
There was a study done where 5 women were paired with five men after having sniffed their T-shirts. Apparently, the women had sniffed the T-shirts BEFORE meeting the men and were paired with the man according to the scent of the T-shirt they liked the most. The study proved a success as the people dated successfully.
I was skeptical at first until I tried that same experiment on my then girlfriend. I had her smell one of my T-shirts and told her I had just washed it but in actuality it was kinda funky. She had no problem smelling my T-shirt and said it actually smelled pretty good (WOW!!).
So that explained why a few months later when I broke up with her she begged and pleaded and stalked me for days.
Comment by dadshouse
| April 12th, 2008
That’s a great story about the girlfriend and your funky T-shirt. I agree – smell, taste, touch is a better chemical test. Kissing seems a great indicator.